This time of the year is defined by the energy of reflection. We have moved past Winter Solstice and Christmas and are about to greet the new year. The days are short, and the nights are dark – spinning us inward, into the depths of self-exploration. While nature is experiencing physical hibernation – we enter a mental and emotional hibernation of sorts. And boy did 2020 give us a lot to reflect on. I don’t need to enumerate all of the upheavals that this year has brought us and all of the ways in which it challenged us, pushed us out of our comfort zones, and demanded extreme levels of resilience.
A tidal wave of reflection was spurred in me in response to the prompt shared by dearest mentor Elena Brower: “offer a thought to explain how you’ve grown this year, one aspect of your understanding that’s been elevated by the hardship of our times”. This really resonated with me because, on top of all the things that have been happening to everyone in 2020, I experienced upheavals and massive life altering transitions. And what I gained from going through these experiences was a heightened understanding that the Universe has a much better plan than my own, and that when things fall apart – it is actually a reason to rejoice, for much better things are coming.
Something I haven’t shared much is that my marriage dissolved this summer. It was one of the scariest things I had to do, especially amidst a global pandemic and overall uncertainty. It was hard to go against the conventional norms and societal expectations, the conditioning that makes us believe divorce is somehow a huge failure and marks the “end” of one’s life. But when the shoe doesn’t fit, and starts giving you painful blisters, you need to find courage to let go. Walking barefoot may be terrifying – but it is still better than hurting yourself over and over again. Little did I know the Universe was just on the edge of its seat waiting to reward my courage with a relationship that I didn’t know could exist. I learned that it was possible to have common interests, mutual support, fascinating conversations, and open communication – things I almost gave up on.
Around the same time I was fired, unexpectedly and unjustly, from a job I loved and saw as my lifelong career path. I was devastated, I cried, I raged. My life’s path was derailed, and I had to think about how to deal with that, how to adjust my income and still be able to support myself as a now single woman. It was surely a lot to process. But yet again, the Universe knew better. As soon as I was able to let go of “this is how things should be” mentality, it gifted me with a remarkable job opportunity and a beautiful space where I get to teach donation based yoga to the community. I get to do a lot of good through my work and my teaching, make a difference in my community, and create positive impact: the things I wanted to do most with my life anyway.
At the 2019 doTERRA Convention I was fortunate to attend a workshop by Desiree Mangandog titled “I am magnetic”. In it she had us choose three items from a list of almost 50 words that describe life aspirations. It was so hard to narrow it down, but the first one I was certain about was “impact”. It doesn’t matter how small. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. I want to live a life of impact. I want to create positive experiences for others and live a life beyond “looking out for number one”. So this card, gifted to me at Christmas by one of my yoga students, is something I will keep close to me all next year. It is a reminder that, despite the global and personal challenges of 2020, I was able to make an impact. I touched someone’s life in a positive way. I encourage you to choose your three words and see how you can design your life to always be moving in the direction of your highest values.
This year has seen me fail, massively and devastatingly. But it has also seen me rise from the ashes to build something new – something better. The bruises we earn when we fall turn into the wings we will use to fly. “There is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in” – Leonard Cohen. Letting go of the stressful, heavy relationships and jobs in 2020 dramatically improved my health and allowed me to lose 15lbs in two months, and I am nowhere near stopping. I have plans to uplevel my health, my business, and my community. 2020 didn’t kill me, and so it made me stronger.
May you always remember to have faith through your falls. May you always remember to pick yourself back up. May you know, deep in your heart, that every tragedy is a door to triumph.
Farewell 2020 and Happy New Year to you all!